can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
