Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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