so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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