you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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