we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
