the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
