you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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