She announced her abortion via fbk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
