forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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