well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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