My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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