I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
