He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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