I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
