so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't deserve a penis
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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