"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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