we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
