I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
