Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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