So drunk its hurt
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
