the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
