Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
