If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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