So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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