I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
