I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
