Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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