I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You don't make any sense
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