if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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