he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
