not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also, beer. Big fan.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
