still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I pour the whiskey from now on
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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