if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
