New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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