i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
