If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
