she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
