The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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