I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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