i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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