Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
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I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize