Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
