remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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