We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
