But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Less talking, more tequila
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
