ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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