im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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