At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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