Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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