I have demons in me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
