His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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