i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
