At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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