she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
