He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
do nipples grow back?
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