What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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