are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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