Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
