she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize