Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
