Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
