why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
