I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
