well I can't set my house on fire every night
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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