I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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