Can i not drive my cunt home
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
