eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
