I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
