I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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