Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
