How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
