There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
