i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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