you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
