I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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