No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
