he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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