I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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