She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am naked and annoyed.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
