So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
