She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
