oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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