Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
