...so i touched it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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