yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
