So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
