I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
