I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
