and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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