what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
