just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
