Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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