cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
