until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
