I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
