Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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